fantasylover100

"I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly. I perceive that this also was a chasing at the wind. For in much wisdom, is much grief. And he that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow." I don't know if that's from anything else, but these are some of the first words heard in the first Assassin's Creed game. For a while, I never really understood what they meant, naively believing that if you were smarter, you'd be happier. Yet for everything that's happened over the last half a decade and then some, some of us have gotten wiser, more knowledgeable...and more depressed. I say "some" because not everyone has the same outcome as others. Some perhaps are happier in times before or, god forbid, during these trying times of the pandemic. Some have yet to learn a lesson in putting health over tradition, and end up even dumber than before. And some just don't have, or never had, a care in the world. And then some just want to watch the world burn. But we'll get to that

I sit on the floor in the dark room, radio on, drink in hand, the window open to let the cool night breeze in after a long day. Everyone I know is asleep. No one around but myself. I check my phone for any messages I might get. No one. Not a single soul. The music tunes out most of the noises of the night, save for a train you can hear from the other side of town. A sound I’ve heard since as long as I can remember being alive. Am I alive? I’m breathing, so I guess I am, even if signs tell me otherwise. Despite the dread of the world, I am alive. I hope those I know and love are too. So why, then, why do I feel so empty? Am I really broken? Am I selfish for living in a home when others have it worse? Am I really sad, if I can’t quite grasp others feelings? Am I really alone, despite being around loved ones? Why can’t I get an answer? Why do I avoid asking? Why do I want companionship, despite my hatred of people? Why do I seek others approval, despite not caring what others would think?